Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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