So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
