The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
