is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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