Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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