she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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