I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
