I need help removing her.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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