i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dick very happy bro
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
