I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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