the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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