"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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