If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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