Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
