Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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