oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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