Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize