just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
