He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
