i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
