Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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