2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
