is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
