so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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