Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...