Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken