Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
