Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
