Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
