All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
