I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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