And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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