I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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