**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
zippers are such a cool invention
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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