Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize