And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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