so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
