So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
