i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
