im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
