I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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