I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's blow job season.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
