return my video game
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
