i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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