Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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