Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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