I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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