I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
