her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
