Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
