i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
