she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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