wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
