shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
