Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
