But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
