I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
