I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
