i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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