So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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