his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
