trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
