i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
