who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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