She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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