He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
