i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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