Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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